Firmly stupid Linux firmware updating with IBM

IBM boasts of plenty of admin-friendly tools for updating drivers and firmwares. Unfortunately, as usual with administration tools, it looks like they've been packaged by complete retards.

 Apparently they don't like tar.gz, zip, tar.bz2, 7z or even rar, arc or what have you. Nope, the geniuses at IBM are so nostalgic of the good ole DOS days that they decided to resuscitate the very bad scheme of self-unpacking executables.

If that malware-spreading nonsense wasn't bad enough in itself, they made sure that:
 - it required an executable /tmp
 - that unpacking required root privileges most of the time
 - you couldn't specify the temp dir with TMPDIR or anything, really
 - it writes random log files in random places, such as the current directory, without telling anyone, and happily overwriting any file with that name. What if that file happens to be a symlink towards /etc/passwd? Don't worry, IBM's got you covered, it will fuck your system up free of charge.